I forgot ...

I was going to blog something special, something cool... but it took the darn computer so long to load the "create template" that I completely forgot what I was going to write so now you're stuck reading this crap. Ugh. Where can I get some freakin' speed?

But hey at least the little fella above is cute. He's a Pygmy SLOW Loris.

Freakin' Slow

The internet thingy is freakin' slow and its buggin' me out.

A Lesson in Specificity

I must learn to be more specific. The next time I ask the hubby to blow out the candles (IF there is a next time?!) I will specify to NOT use the 3M Dust Remover. This is COMPRESSED 1, l-difluoroethane, COMPRESSED. It comes out of the little can at speeds close to Mach 7. The various warnings on the can do not note: "keep away from husbands who think compressed 1, l-difluoroethane and a burning flame are meant for one another."

The warnings do however state:

CONTENTS UNDER PRESSURE (really?!). MAY CAUSE NOSE AND THROAT IRRITATION AND MAY AFFECT THE CENTRAL NERVOUS SYSTEM (too late) CAUSING DIZZINESS, HEADACHE OR NAUSEA. CONTACT WITH LIQUID CAN CAUSE FROSTBITE. INTENTIONAL MISUSE BY DELIBERATELY CONCENTRATING AND INHALING THE CONTENTS MAY BE HARMFUL OR FATAL.

Contains: 1, l-difluoroethane.

Precautions: Exposure to heat or prolonged exposure to sun may cause bursting. Do not spray into enclosed spaces, such as the inside of paper shredders, as vapors may collect and ignite. Use only with adequate ventilation. Avoid eye and prolonged skin contact. Avoid prolonged breathing of vapors, mist or spray.

KEEP OUT OF REACH OF CHILDREN (and husbands).

Great for:
Silk Flowers
Automobiles
Woodworking
Audio/Video
Printers
Computer Mouse

Hmm... how odd that candles aren't listed. Perhaps 3M forgot to mention candles? Must remember to write to 3M and inquire.

I have learned my lesson. Now my ranting must end as I need to clean wax off the wall, the CD jewel cases, and the wooden CD holder. I can only imagine what product(s) the hubby would use if I were foolish enough to ask him to clean up the wax. I wonder if this could be deliberate behavior on part of my better half; do something stupid and the wife will never ask me to do another thing again as long as we both shall live.

Wine, poetry, and chocolate

Last night we invited some friends (Marty and Laura) over for dinner. Erik made his incredible "Cookbook Cover Chicken" - it's soooooooooo beautiful and yummy, along with some roasted potatoes, and steamed asparagus. I made a spinach salad and a lemon puff pastry dessert. Throughout the evening we shared 2 and a half bottles of vino, 2 beers, a pot of decaf coffee, and some hot tea.

After dinner we retired to the living room and discussed topics of interest to us such as current employment issues we're all facing, family, moving, home ownership, hopes, dreams, and then concluded with some poetry. During this time I brought out some chocolates. Wine, poetry, and chocolate along with good friends makes for a very enjoyable evening. I can't wait to do it again!

Here is just a sample of the poems that were read last night:

The Moron - Author Unknown

See the happy moron,
He doesn't give a damn!
I wish I were a moron-
My God! Perhaps I am!


It Couldn't Be Done - Edgar Guest

Somebody said that it couldn't be done,
But he with a chuckle replied
That "maybe it couldn't," but he would be one
Who wouldn't say so till he'd tried.
So he buckled right in with the trace of a grin
On his face. If he worried he hid it.
He started to sing as he tackled the thing
That couldn't be done, and he did it.

Somebody scoffed: "Oh, you'll never do that;
At least no one ever had done it";
But he took off his coat and he took off his hat,
And the first thing we knew he'd begun it.
With a lift of his chin and a bit of a grin,
Without any doubting or quiddit,
He started to sing as he tackled the thing
That couldn't be done, and he did it.

There are thousands to tell you it cannot be done,
There are thousands to prophesy failure;
There are thousands to point out to you, one by one,
The dangers that wait to assail you.
But just buckle in with a bit of a grin,
Just take off your coat and go to it;
Just start to sing as you tackle the thing
That "cannot be done," and you'll do it.


The Inner Man - Plato

Beauty depends on simplicity - I mean the true simplicity
of a rightly and nobly ordered mind and character.
He is a fool who seriously inclines to weigh the beautiful by
any other standard than that of the good.
The good is the beautiful.
Grant me to be beautiful in the inner man.


One Year to Live - Mary Davis Reed

If I had but one year to live;
One year to help; one year to give;
One year to love; one year to bless;
One year of better things to stress;
One year to sing; one year to smile
To brighten earth a little while;
I think that I would spend each day,
In just the very self-same way
That I do now. For from afar
The call may come to cross the bar
At any time, and I must be
Prepared to meet eternity.
So if I have a year to live,
Or just a day in which to give
A pleasant smile, a helping hand,
A mind that tries to understand
A fellow-creature when in need,
'Tis one with me; -- I take no heed;
But try to live each day He sends
To serve my gracious Master's ends.

Our House

Here are some pics of the new place.

All done

I survived the UT Paralegal Certificate Program. Wow, what a crazy 17 weeks. I'm just relieved it's finally over. I really didn't know what to expect and worried that I might not be up to it. I was concerned that perhaps this program just wasn't for me.

Before it all began I thought about bailing but Erik persuaded me to at least attend the open house and said, "If you still feel like this isn't right for you at this time then don't enroll." So, we went to the open house together. I wanted to be sure this was a good program and not a waste of my time and moola; I figured Erik does this stuff for a living so he should be able to tell if it's a scam or not. Before the open house even ended I knew this was something I wanted to do.

Several weeks later the classes finally began. At first it was so very exciting. It was all new and different. And each time I felt I was losing my way there was Erik to help me better understand the material. Initially I asked him to edit my memos, various discovery documents, etc. By mid-program I had stopped soliciting him to proof my assignments and continued to receive the same grades on my own.

Some of the assignments were very difficult and time consuming. Trying to find case law, statutes, or any other authority to prove my case isn't as easy as it would seem! However, each time I located something on-point it felt as if I had won an Olympic gold medal. I can't even imagine what it will feel like when I do this in the real world for a real client's case.

I think what surpised me most though was all the support I received from family and friends throughout the course and upon graduating. I received a beautiful bouquet of red roses from my second parents (Arnie and Mary). My folks had a pendant re-set for me. Co-workers attended the ceremony (which was a total surprise!). It's just been wonderful, thank you all.

It's crazy to think that I didn't even want to go to the graduation. I just don't 'do' graduations. I hate ceremonies, but I'm glad Erik and I attended this one as it proved fruitful for the hubby. He was offered the opportunity to teach the Torts portion of the course.

I guess we both got more out of this program than either of us could have anticipated.

Random complaints

I'm distraught. I have no idea of what the hell is going on. Are we staying in TN in our lovely new home or will we be packing up all our crap (hey, didn't we just do that last weekend?) and moving back to CA or will we just sell all our belongings on e-bay, start a cult in Mexico and steal rich, impressionable college students' parents' money until we have enough to move to Fiji?

I'm stuck in a lackluster job whereby common phrases include, "Wanna supersize that handle? Need screws with that?" And at the watercooler we all comment on "Bubbles" the newest Rhesus Monkey to answer phones, enter orders, and toss his own $@#!% around like he owns the place. He's quite disturbing, but in such a cute way that we've all forgiven him and instead beg him to not throw his feces in our general direction. He's rather obliging which I'm thankful for. Yeah Bubbles. Wait, there's no Bubbles at work... damn, too little sleep and too much stress makes for a bad combo.

School sucks. Normally I like learning and all the crap that goes along with it, but right now I just want to the class to end. I think it's over as of tonight. How would I know, the instructor still hasn't contacted me to let me know if I passed Tuesday's night exam or if I need to retake it on the 17th.

Tonight's exam for Torts was tedious and poorly written. That particular instructor was almost worthless. She started off with such a bang, we were so excited, then the last two classes she found the time to teach she flew through and we were out of our 3 hour long class in less than an hour. Of the 8 classes she was paid to teach she made it to 4, well, 2 if consider that the 2nd, 3rd, and 4th classes TOGETHER barely lasted 3 hours total. That's just not right.

The books suck also. Typos, errors, lame examples, etc. What the hell did I pay all that moola for? Especially if I can't put the stupid UT Certificate to use in TN. If you're not a local, don't have a "Daddy" and didn't go to UT you may as well just hitch-hike it to anywhere but East TN cause they sure don't want "ya'll" here. Yes, yes, I'm told the UT Paralegal Certificate is good anywhere in the US, but really, really good here. Hopefully CA will accept it. Assuming that's where we end up, which it's looking more and more likely each day.

Drivers in TN struggle. Last night on my way home from work a woman was in the right hand lane of Broadway. Her car was askew, as if she had at one point intended to merge into the left hand lane, then thought better of it, and instead decided to just stop right there. Her car did not appear to have any damage. In fact, she seemed to be balancing her check book. Granted traffic was bumper-to-bumper on Broadway so sitting around waiting for it to abate isn't the worst idea, but.... anyway, all the cars in the right hand lane were passing her as she sat idly by subtracting her $129.76 bouffant hair appointment from her checking account. Lady, get a freakin' move on or pull off to the shoulder. What, do you have Bubbles @#!% for brains? Of course she does, why do I ask?

While I may be down on school I am bummed that UT isn't an option at this time, nor any time in the near future. That bites... my future just looks stinkin' bleak. Sure I'm in a pissy mood and not truly considering that I'm just plain wrong, that the future can be bright - whatever. It sure doesn't seem like it at the moment. So, if you have a problem with it, #%^&*! off. I don't care. I just want to wallow in my red wine and drool, while Karma eats the cat shit from the litter box. Darn dog, if I've told her once I've told her a gazillon times, "Save some for Sassy!" O.k., so I don't really say that, though I should cause it's true. Darn dogs just aren't happy unless they're dining on Ginger's & Jordan's waste. Yum, talk about appetizing. Sick little puppies.

Oh goody, white-trash neighbor with tinted windows on his VERY loud car just got home. Could his car be any louder?

Screw it, I'm stick of trying to make my fumbling fingers type any more crap. If you're still reading this clearly your life sucks as bad as mine. I pity you dude, I truly do. Go find something productive to do - like hey, maybe you could make up a story about a jobless monkey with BIG hair named Bubbles that eats cat shit, writes poorly, doesn't show up to class, and drives as if all the world was one big bumper-car course.

Clean phone, pissy floor

The move, school, work, visiting family, etc. have finally taken their toll. I accidentally washed my cell phone. It's now very clean, but worthless as anything more than a paperweight. In its place I have a spiffy camera phone, complete with photos of hubby and critters. Speaking of critters... after class tonight I arrived home later than usual (around 8:00 pm). I let the dogs stay in today instead of kicking their furry little butts to the fenced-in yard as I typically do. I did originally put them outside but they both really, really, really, really wanted in. Big dopey sad eyes, whining, pawing at the door, the works. I caved. My reward for being such a nice dog mommy, that's right a BIG POND of PISS on the kitchen floor. Yes, I'm very grateful it was on the linoleum and not the carpet.

And like you, I too thought, "swell, I can use the new camera phone to take a picture of the offending puddle." Don't worry I didn't actually do it. That's just gross. Bad enough I had to clean it up.

I Don't Want to Say Goodbye

For the past week my mom has been staying with the hubby and me. She's helped paint our new home, provided moral support, and has been a best friend.

When I was a child I NEVER considered her a friend - she was mean! But, fortunately for my mom and me adulthood allowed both of us to foster a new relationship that is based less on authority and more on mutual interests.

Don't get me wrong mom will always be a "mom" but now that I'm more grown up we're able to laugh and enjoy each other's company. Most of this past week all we did was laugh. I don't even recall what the hell was so funny but something sure was cause we were giggling constantly. I'm really going to miss that.

Painting the house isn't exactly the most exciting way to spend time but with mum it was certainly more enjoyable than if I had slapped paint on the walls all by my lonesome. We listened to Jack FM (which mom insists is JackAss FM), we frequented Dunkin' Donuts more often than my waistline approves of, zipped all around town locating the perfect drapes/curtains/rods/etc. for each room, and just had a whopper of a good time.

It was like the old days when I still lived in Wisconsin. She and I would either redecorate a room or two in her house or maybe jazz up my place. That's something we've both always enjoyed.

We both also like antiques so we visited the Dutch Valley Antique Mall and browsed up and down the numerous isles laughing, at what???? I haven't a clue but it sure was funny at the time!

Being off work was great but being off work and being able to spend that time with someone I truly love and respect was the best holiday gift I received.

I'm gonna miss ya mom and I don't want to say goodbye.