How do I spell STRESS?

J-u-s-t-k-i-l-l-m-e-n-o-w

A-q-u-i-c-k-b-l-o-w-t-o-t-h-e-h-e-a-d-w-i-t-h-a-h-e-a-v-y-b-l-u-n-t-o-b-j-e-c-t

A-r-s-e-n-i-c-a-n-d-h-e-m-l-o-c-k-c-o-c-k-t-a-i-l

There are plenty of ways... of course living in TN the locals prefer to induce stress and it's wonderful side-effects by:

• pulling funding a week before a home closing
• having the second lending company claim they're having a "computer glitch" 2 days before the home closing thereby NOT providing any information to me or the title company
• second lending company say, "We need ANOTHER appraisal" before we'll lend to you, cause the one we already paid for apparently isn't good enough
• delaying the home closing by 4 days, thus screwing up the seller's move out schedule so he's still living there

And my personal favorite:

• canceling the homeowner's insurance BEFORE the closing but having the notice delivered to the house I don't yet own, so I don't receive the notice until $^&*!@#% Christmas Eve - when, by the way, the seller was kind enough to let us stop by to show the place off to the in-laws and thus provide us with the happy news of "You're SCREWED - AGAIN!" via sealed letter. No Mr. Insurance Agent, please don't call us with this type of news as we'd prefer to get it in a letter 8 days before the insurance expires.

Happy Holidays!

Now where the hell is my hemlock?

It was worth it!

Thursday night we had dinner at our wonderful friends' home. Pam, Andrew & Abby invited us over a fabulous home cooked meal of ham, potatoes, yams, casserole, dinner rolls, excellent red wine, and an assortment of desserts. It was all so delicious - well, I assume the desserts were, I was too full to try them!!! Me?! I don't know how that's even possible, but it happened.

We had so much fun we didn't leave until Friday! We made it back to the Estate a little after 4:00 am. Unfortunately I couldn't sleep so most of the day on Friday I was out of it. But, that's o.k., spending time with Pam & Andrew is always worth it!

Ugh

We did NOT close on the house. Our original lender bailed on us, the 2nd lender claimed to be experiencing a computer glitch and as such could not provide the title company with the necessary documents for us to close.

The broker we've been using, who up until this week has been very friendly and helpful, was completely useless. When I asked the broker what the new loan terms were he didn't have a clue. I'm not willing to sign a 30-year mortgage (hell, I don't even know if it is a 30-year mortgage?!) without knowing the total amount, interest rate, what our monthly payments will be, etc.

This whole process has been a major misfire and I've had it. As far as I'm concerned GAME OVER.

I'm fed up with the incompetence in TN, it's intrusive and has invaded almost every area of my life:

• Work - it's especially prevalent at work. In fact due to my wonderful employer that's how this whole darn mess with the house began!
• Driving - most people in TN struggle to stay in their own lane, and don't even ask them to make a right hand turn without coming to a full and complete stop. They just are not capable of such a thing, they may spill their beer - gasp!
• Banking - if you plan on opening up a bank account in TN and use a cashier's check to fund the new account, be prepared to have a hold put on the cashier's check for at least 5 days. That's right, they don't trust it - even if it's from another institution from just down the freakin' street.

I don't have the energy to list all the various examples. I'm just too disgusted about the whole dang thing.

Too many freakin' passwords!

I've got too many freakin' passwords and it's pissin' me off.

I was locked out of my work computer this morning because yesterday I received the official "time to change your password - AGAIN" message. So I did as directed and modified the stupid thing so I wouldn't forget it. However, there is a complex screen with 33 bazillion check boxes for various programs - some of which should be checked, some should not be, some are only checked on odd days, others on days when the moon is full, some boxes are checked when it's raining and more than 52 degrees Fahrenheit but less than 57 degrees ... I of course either checked one I wasn't supposed to or failed to uncheck a box. Who knows, hell who cares, all I know is that I had to call India to get the damn thing fixed because the computer was screaming "Denied! DENIED! No access for you foolish moron. That's right you're SOL, up the creek, fishing without a pole..."

This morning "Nikki" (a.k.a. Ms. India who selected an American name for idiots like me to be able to pronounce) got me all hooked up again, but it took over 30 minutes. Granted it was company time so no biggie but still annoying. Maybe next week when the same damn thing happens I'll get to speak to Rambo.

Anyway, just for work alone I have over 7 different passwords for various programs and network crap. In my personal life I can't even add up the number of passwords I have for everything from e-mail to Amazon.com to Travelocity to online banking, this blog, etc. etc..... the list is endless. And of course it never fails that each vendor/system has different password requirements so ONE master password just isn't possible. I realize having ONE master password pretty much defeats the purpose of having a password... but what good are all the dang passwords if I get locked out and can't access the junk I need?

Lancaster here we come...?

Our broker called yesterday to say that the lender who promised to finance our mortgage is bailing out and using my employer as the reason. I have no idea if the company I work for just screwed me over, did me a big favor, or if the lender (OptionOne) is just messed up. So, the broker dude is working hard to find a new lender since we close on the house in 7 days!!!!

If we are unable to secure new financing before the 16th of Dec. and if Erik is unable to secure gainful employment soon we may move to Lancaster.

However, if we can make a go of things here in Knoxhell that would be great as I could then finish my degree in 2006 at UT and not have to wait a year (or more) in CA to apply for in-state tuition.

I don't even have the energy to be upset about this. I'm not sure it's even worth getting upset. Whatever happens will happen. We'll make the most of it or we won't. I'll just put off worrying till later cause I don't want to waste time thinking about the "what ifs."

Part of me would LOVE to move back to CA. Part of me wants to stay here. Since I'm undecided I figure no sense investing any time thinking about either until I know which I must consider. Of course, I write this after having done nothing but think about it! Now I'm all thought out.

University of Tennessee

On July 3, 2005 I applied to UT as a transfer student. I forgot I applied, then the week before the deadline (late October) I called to follow-up since I never received anything as noted in the application instructions.

During the follow-up phone call I learned that UT needed my high school transcripts?! (Huh? Id' been out of high school over 14 years?! And, I don't recall the application instructions saying anything about high school transcripts for transfer students.) I contacted both the high schools I had attended and requested they forward my transcripts to UT.

I assumed that since I was down to the wire and with only a week's time to fulfill UT's requirements that I did not make the deadline and I would need to wait until the summer or fall session to re-apply. Fortunately I was wrong have been accepted for the Spring 2006 session.

Now I have to hope and pray that UT accepts most of my transfer credits. If they do I should only need to attend 1 full-time semester to graduate. However, as my buddy Pam is discovering, UT doesn't seem to approve of many courses/credits earned elsewhere.

I'm excited about finally finishing my B.S. but nervous about how it'll all work out. The timing is what it is... but with the new house, Erik losing his job, me finishing up the Paralegal Program and wanting to look for employment as a paralegal instead of continuing to be a phone-drone, and of course all the additional costs associated with each of these endeavors (as well as the holidays?!) I'm just a tad stressed.

At this point I don't see my being a full-time student as an option until the hubby has secured gainful employment that can support us. I don't mind going part-time to school and working part-time... I just hope I find the right balance to make the two happen. At least the move to the new house will put me closer to school and downtown.

Nickel Creek Dream Come True

Early on Thanksgiving before Pam and Andrew arrived I mentioned to the hubby that I secretly hoped they would bring Nickel Creek's new CD "Why Should the Fire Die?" I just wanted to check it out cause I thought I might like it.

The music Gods smiled upon me and before I knew it we were lip-smacking the turkey and listening to the smooth tunes of said band. Sure enough, I like the CD. Perhaps a brand spanking new CD will find its way into my stocking this year? I've been good... really. Just ask the cats.

Good Time

Thanksgiving was wonderful. It was a simple celebration with good friends. Pam and Andrew blessed us with their enthusiasm for life and the laughter that comes from understanding another's struggles in dealing with everyday life.

While sharing memories of previous holidays and various family traditions we were all brought closer together by creating a special one-time practice. I'd love to spend everything Thanksgiving in this manner but one never knows what the upcoming year will bring.

Erik prepared and served an amazing meal of roasted turkey, loaded mashed potatoes, green bean casserole, stuffing, and cranberry sauce all made from scratch. Pam brought a yam dish and hot apple cider. The carrot souffle I baked turned out great (whew!). There was Erik's "Thanksgiving Pie" of apples and cranberries, a pumpkin pie I threw together, and the hubby's ginger spiced whip cream to top them off.

Flavorful food, rich wine, and great friends ... I can't think of a better way to spend Thanksgiving.

Harsh?

You'd better believe it.

My best friend is overtaxed. He's dejected. His work environment is languishing.

I just want him to be happy in his career and he isn't.

He is an attorney, not a fire-fighter.

His business management decisions are second-guessed by the man who relinquished this control.

Side rant: "He" is my husband! I can't just sit around saying, "Oh baby, I'm sorry that you work for such an @$$. Would you like another beer?" This is a nice short-term solution to an on-going problem. But we must get at the root. Tha'ts right, you've guessed it: Mr. Manic, The Great Man, Mr. Magic Beans, etc. Whatever his name, he's still a lunatic.

My husband is a counselor, not an explosives expert. Yet he must maneuver through numerous mine-fields without going "kablooey."


Even if the boss respects my accomplished and successful husband, that's not reason enough for my confidant to continue to check himself into bedlam every day.

He went to law school, not medical school. No matter how much he learns about medicine through malpractice cases and consulting with medical experts he will never be able to help or address Mr. Madcap's many, many issues.

Yes, yes, I know this is a repeat of everything I wrote in response to the hubby's blog. I'm compelled to be redundant in the hopes that this message leaves it mark.

If my tone and words offend thee, good. They're meant to. This is a wake-up call.

Life should not be wasted on those who do not appreciate your talents and abilities.

Darling, you are capable of so much more than Mr. Rabid permits you to do. Your skillz (i.e. mad writing skillz, your social skillz, personnel skillz, damn, I could go on forever!) are not showcased or allowed to flourish.

You deserve more. You deserve to be recognized for all of your strengths and you deserve to be happy.



(Yo, this applies to the rest of ya'll that work for Mr. Magic Beans. You know who you are).

Thankful for...

I realize this is a little early, but here's what I'm thankful for today (not in any particular order and subject to change at any time for any reason):

• Finding Miss Ginger (she managed to get outside and take shelter under the porch. She's strictly an indoor kitty so this was quite alarming!)
• Being nearly done with the X-mas shopping
• Our soon-to-be new-to-us home
• Passing tonight's exam
• ERIK!!!!
• The critters
• The upcoming 4-day weekends (yep, that's right, plural! I'm taking this coming Thursday and Friday off, plus next week I have off for Turkey day and the day after - yahooie!)
• Good health
• Cereal
• My friends
• Chocolate
• Long hot showers
• Vino
• Erik's cooking
• Sleeping in

Diet

True to form my writing diet is as successful as my "eat less candy" diet. I am not a diet person, unless of course it were to consist of eating my body-weight in chocolate. Unfortunately I have never come across such a chocolate lover's fantasy. However, should such a food regimen ever become doctor endorsed I will completely comply.

With regard to the writing drill I must start anew, like a drunkard that hath fallen from grace. Oh well, these things happen. Perhaps if I consumed red wine (strictly health purposes of course) and a moderate amount of chocolate (for inspirational resolve) my writing would become more inveterate. (Disclaimer: I wrote perhaps, not that such a thing is actually likely).

Excuses for not writing on the 11th:

• work
• dinner with friends
• attended hockey game with said friends
• returned home very late
• slightly tipsy

Excuses for the 12th:

• none

Excuses for the 13th:

• less than those for the 12th

And I wonder why my diets fail? Sheesh.

I would write more tonight, however, my current justification is I have an exam tomorrow evening that I need to study for.

Our own home

The hubby and I may soon have a place of our own. A simple little bungalow with all the features we have come to appreciate and desire in a dwelling: fenced-in yard for the dogs, screened-in porch for the cats, two bathrooms, three bedrooms, an open kitchen, two car garage, and a maintenance free exterior.

On Saturday we'll meet with our agent to draft an offer and then deliver it in person. This will provide us with an opportunity to see the house again. The offer will be contingent upon an inspection. The house is only about 6 years old so hopefully there is not much, if anything, seriously amiss.

The idea of not having a landlord is exciting and terrifying. It will be liberating to be independent and scary as hell should anything major go wrong. This will be a very interesting experience for us.

Make Contact With Paper

Recently the hubby and I looked at several different houses in various locations scattered throughout Blount and Knox counties. Some homes were very nice, some were not. But a few houses took contact paper to the next level in ways I would never permit in my own home.

Contact paper is typically used to surface the interior shelves and drawers of one's cupboards. However, if you are creative and looking to "update" your home's interior you will not stop where the shelf or drawer ends.

One home owner had completely covered the kitchen cupboards with faux wood paneled contact paper. The cabinet framing, doors, shelves... EVERY surface had the tacky paper stuck to it. The effect was dazzling to say the least.

Another home owner used what appeared to be the exact same paper on their master bathroom floor. I do not know how long the paper had been on the floor. There was only one tear that revealed the true surface beneath. Perhaps contact paper is so durable and easy to clean that to not use as a floor covering is just plain wrong? Can that be? Is this the wave of the future?

Now if you are like me (and to quote the hubby's favorite line, "and I know I am") you are probably wondering what would posses someone to do such a thing to perfectly good cabinets and what appeared to have once been a nice floor. Yes, the kitchen cupboards were in excellent condition. The paint choice, a VERY bold yellow, may not have been the loveliest, but it was certainly better than the contact paper. The master bath floor appeared to be in good working order. Perhaps this a Southern thing a Northern like myself will never understand. All the same folks please do not, DO NOT, attempt this look in your own dwelling, especially if you are trying to sell your abode.

Write every day

I want to improve my writing. One way to do this is to write. A lot. At least every day. So, here I am writing. But more than just that I need to figure out what I want to write about, structure it appropriately, blah blah blah. As you can see, I'm not very good at this, but with time and practice I will get better.

Mr. Smarty Pants (a.k.a. the hubby) provided wonderful tips on improving my writing (noted above). So I am taking his advice and will attempt to write everyday. I have not decided if everyday when I write that it will be in this blog or if I will just keep a word diary. Guess it doesn't much matter which as long as I write.

I am concerned with how much I should write. I understand that it needs to be daily, but in what quantities? Of course quality is the goal, but isn't quantity a factor also? I guess I will figure it out as the process continues. It's probably more important that I just do it and let the little details work themselves out.

I have always enjoyed writing. It is such a fabulous creative process and a great outlet when I need or want to express myself. For over a decade and a half I have used writing as a tool of expression. During different stages I utilized other forms (painting, arts & crafts, sewing, crocheting, etc.), but writing is usually the most inexpensive and least messy.

Combining something I naturally enjoy with a needed and much desired work skill seems like a win-win. Granted legal writing has its own set of rules (keep sentences short, simple, active, relevant) compared to free-flow, stream of consciousness writing that I typically indulge in. It will be interesting trying something new with an old companion.

Still no computer - continued

That's right the Geeks still have the computer. I have no idea what has happened to it. Spontaneous combustion? Paper weight for the bored and hapless? Perhaps roaches became the new offensive owners? I am not sure I care anymore, especially if the latter is true.

Of course all my files are just faulty memories, but at least I have been able to relocate most of my "favorite" internet sites.

Meanwhile, I'm using the hubby's old machine. It is set up in my office so I have all my happy things surrounding me: office supplies, sleeping cats, and books. More importantly there is adequate light, heat, and space to spread out my belongings (without disturbing the kitties).

Eventually the old hunk of metal, chips, and whatever else comprises the standard computer will be returned. ETA for such a homecoming, who knows? Maybe the Geeks have a clue, perhaps the roaches have a time line. Either way I don't care to talk to either of them.

Still no computer

I'm troubled by that fact the Geeks we handed over my computer too are still working on it! It's been over a week. Either it can't be fixed or they don't know what the hell they're doing. They claim their supplier doesn't have the motherboard. Whatever. Just fix the damn thing, let me pay for it, and give it back!

I've been using the hubby's computer and it just plain sucks. He has a funky egro keyboard. It's dark in the EZ and now it's chilly too. His desk is completely covered with piles of papers, notebooks, pens, photos, disks, Kleenex balancing precariously atop a pile of junk, etc. I'm a self-proclaimed neat freak, so writing a demand letter, client letter, and a legal memo is very unsettling in such an environment. All I want to do is straighten it up so I can lay out my books and resources... but alas, it is not my space, so I try to leave it as I found it (even though doing so goes against all I believe). Ugh, I want my $%@$%!@!# computer back!!!!!!

A fantastic Thurs night

Thursday night I had a Criminal Law exam (that wasn't so fantastic) that was VERY hard! I walked away not knowing if I passed or failed, but really hoping I had passed. If I fail I would have one opportunity to retake the exam and if I failed a second time then I would have to retake the course - which does not appeal to me.

When I had finished the exam I called the hubby who was waiting for me. This is rather unusual, typically I call him, discover he's anywhere for 10-30 minutes away and wait. So, I walk to the parking lot and hop in BB. We head down Kingston Pike and go to Lenny's Sub place. While Lenny's has super subs this isn't quite fantastic, but enjoyable.

From Lenny's we saunter over to Club 4620 which is a martini bar. I'm all for this except that they are playing extremely loud, live jazz music. Unfortunately I'm not a big fan of the jazz genre, nor is the hubby - hmm, just what is going on here? He said he had a surprise for me. I of course, being extremely impatient, have to guess what the surprise is. I first ask if Pam is playing tonight. Answer: no. I didn't think so cause the trumpet player that was making music was a guy and obviously not Pam. Next I asked, " are Pam and Andrew were going to be there?" Bingo! Yippie, now I'm ecstatic - there is nothing better than hanging out with good friends and drinking martinis! They arrive and we have a FANTASTIC Thursday night!

To top it off I did pass the exam... whew!

Ka-put Computer?!

My computer died... sort of. Chef Boy E is taking care of it for me. The puter is hanging out in the trunk until we can take it in to some computer dude to get fixed. So, in the meantime, the sweet, really nice, wonderful hubby is letting me use his computer. Thanks babe!

For class we went to the UT Law Library. Nice facility! I wonder how much time I'll end up spending there while researching my case. It's a nice enough environment, so I don't think I'll mind it too much. But, since most information can now be found online I think I'll probably do more work from home - once the computer is fixed of course.

The Search is On

Well, it would seem we're back to looking for a house again. We had some moola saved up... but used it to pay bills, thus no more down payment. Then, with the uncertain future, regarding hubby's job, no point in looking. Now we're back to being able to seriously consider purchasing a home of our own again, but... until Erik figures out what he wants to do jobwise, no point in getting my hopes up. I've gotta stay put at the P-Factory (benefits, steady paycheck) and since I make a heck of a lot less dough than the Man my future plans hinge on what the dude wants to do.

It's possible we could find a great house in Knoxhell but hubby could get a job in Nashville or CA or Maine or Alaska or who knows where. Unlikely I realize, but all the same, I don't want to do anything until we've sorted out our future prospective job options.

Come January, just a little over 3 months away, I'll be a bonafide paralegal, but where to work? Where will we be residing then? I don't want to move until I've completed the course, so until Jan. not much will be happening and I fear that until that time Erik won't be earnestly looking for work elsewhere. As frustrated as he is with his current job, he's not yet at his breaking point. His tolerance is VERY, VERY high. So, until he's had it with the so-called "Great Man" my life remains on hold. I want to stay at the current job as long as possible (looks better on the ol' resume) than find something only to quit in a few weeks/months to move wherever the better-half finds gainful employment. Oh well, such is life, and I know January will be here before I know it!

I Married Mr. Smarty Pants

While attending my Paralegal courses, reading the material, doing the exercises, etc. I find it most helpful to actually discuss the concepts with Erik. He knows this stuff and does it for a living. More importantly he makes it a lot of fun. He'll provide me with a scenario (usually involving pop culture) and I determine what crime or tort was committed, the elements involved and possible defenses. It's actually a lot of fun. Hubby seems to enjoy it as much as me, which I'm very glad for.

I always worry that I'm bugging him and perhaps there's something else he'd rather do. However, when commuting to work he'll ask what topics we're covering in class and then ask questions, clarify issues, etc. I'm so lucky! Unfortunately I am a bit hard on my instructor because she doesn't teach in Erik's style (go figure?!). Her examples aren't as entertaining or as easy to follow as the hubby's. For instance Erik is so fluid and easily and quickly creates little stories like: Erik (aged 8), Stan (aged 7), and Cartman (aged 7) "borrow" Erik's Mom's car keys and go for a joy ride around town and accidentally kill Kenny (those bastards!). Rats of course immediately eat and take away Kenny's body. Erik and friends go to the local car wash and dispose of any evidence. They then return the car and keys.

It was a very effective learning tool for me. Using pop culture is easier than trying to remember person A, person B, and C "borrow" person's A's mom's car.... see, not nearly as soluable or exciting.

I can't believe how much criminal law Erik has retained. He practices civil law which is similar, yet has many distinguishing factors. How he can quickly recall either civil or criminal policies and expound upon them is beyond me. He's just really that smart.

toroidal'naya kamera magnitnoi katushki

Some people actually understand this stuff! And, what's really cool is I'll be having dinner with one such person Oct. 29th. Is the 29th yet?

Gotta be more specific

The hubby and I have been complaining about how much we'd love to be able to move back to Cali. How much we miss the weather (or rather lack thereof), wine tasting, Trader Joes, our friends, normal drivers, and streets laid out in an easy to follow grid pattern. Then, wouldn't you know it???? An opportunity comes our way. A job for Erik in Cali... in Lancaster. Lancaster is not a place either of us particularly like, but hey, it's NOT TN. So what to do? We want to move back, but not to Lancaster exactly. We were thinking of the Santa Barbara area, maybe San Diego, or way, while we're dreaming, why not San Louis Obispo - you know, places we'll never be able to afford. So, I guess the next time we dream of moving back West we need to be more specific, cause when you makes wishes and if they're not specific you'll get Lancaster.

Tomorrow's RET discussion: Can a Robot Have a Mind

The better question: can a True Southern have a mind? After narrowly surviving many near-death experiences on the back roads of TN and witnessing how Southerners behave at Wal-Mart I truly wonder.

Anyway, I digress... I'm looking forward to meeting with the other transplants and debating issues that will likely arise from the discussion.

Paralegal in the making...

I'm doing it, learning it, kind of getting it... Right now it's fun. O.k., so day 1 was fun. We'll see what days 2, 3, 9, and 17 bring. But one thing is for sure all that stuff the hubby kept talking about (damages this, liability that, discovery here, pleading there, blah blah blah [I unfortunately have the attention span of a gnat]) it's all coming together. Hopefully I'll feel the same way upon completion of the course. Right now some of it is scary and intimidating... but that's why I'm learning this stuff, so I can draft memoranda, correctly file, research case law, understand interrogatories, correctly cite, and all that other junk. Woohoo I think I can feel the wrinkles forming on the ol' brain as I write... - well, not really, that would be pretty creepy if I could. Ick.

Fusion - Not just for the super-smart anymore

Two weekends ago Erik and I went to lecture at the Rationalists of East TN (RET) and met many new and interesting folks. The RETs are of all ages and educational backgrounds. This past weekend we attended a party (Sat. night) and a book club meeting (Sun. night). After both events I felt completely energized and excited... it was incredible to be surrounded by such like-minded people. Granted, many different view points are represented which can lead to some pretty entertaining discussions. But anyway, what really knocked my socks off was meeting a physicist who explained some of what he did do which was fusion stuff. He drew a little diagram and explained it in such a simple, straightforward manner (I wish I could explain it as easily as him). Very cool. He's my new 2nd in line hero (after the hubby of course). The hubby and I invited him and the Mrs. over to dinner and I can't wait! There must be at least a 30 year age difference between us but when you're talking fusion - who cares?! It was awesome, I can't wait to learn more. Oh, and the Mrs. is also very cool, she works at a high school in the library. They both have sharp wit, which initially was very unexpected. They're grandparents right out of a Norman Rockwell painting!

We of course also like the professor and his wife - another RET couple who are also very cool and fun. We're in the process of setting up a dinner date with them too. It's wonderful to be able to interact with so many different people again. In CA we took it for granted. It has taken us almost a year to find friends (not including the super-duper Klickas of course!). We were considering moving back to CA... but we left there for a reason and at this point returning just isn't possible. Probably just as well.

Death and dying

With Aunt Bert's situation being what it is, mom and I write daily about our futures and what may happen as we age, if we become ill, etc. My mom studied to be a mortician and is fascinated with death. I do not share the same level of fascination as my mom, but she and I do openly talk about death and dying, which I think is healthy. It happens. To everyone. Everyday people die. Mom, me, you, no one is exempt from death. I do not fear death or worry about it, nor does my mom. Perhaps because of her attitude towards it I have similar beliefs. But, with regard to such matters I do know that I want a living will. I do not want machines keeping me alive. My mom feels the same way, but does not have a living will (yet - and neither do I) and I hope the day never comes that I have to make such a decision about anyone I love and care about. I hope death comes quickly and painlessly for me and those I love. Watching a love one die takes it toll on both the living and the one leaving life.

I just hope I remember to show Erik how much he means to me and not forget as our daily lives bog us down with timelines, deadlines, responsibilities.... I hope we have adequate arrangements made for the critters. I hope I remember to focus on what is important and not the fact that the house needs dusting (again) or that the floors need sweeping (again) or that the dishes haven't been loaded in the dishwasher, etc. While these are things that need to be done, I just want to strike the right balance and not get overwhelmed by the things that WILL NOT matter when my ashes are blowing in the wind and visiting all the places I never made time to see while still breathing.

Work Sucks!

Each day I discover that I like my job less and less. In fact I hate it. It's not challenging, there are profound "what we have here is a failure to communicate" issues, the right hand doesn't realize there is a left hand, the left hand keeps falling asleep, the right leg was amputated, the left leg is broken, so we have no leg to stand on! Mostly we just sit it out and we don't even do that very well. Also, some of the people who work there seem to have NO aspirations, no dreams, no goals.... it's like a giant vortex for loosers. Have a dream? Don't worry the P-Factory will suck it right out of you! Have a goal, don't worry the P-Factory will put a quick end to it and you too will become a gray zombie-like teleservices rep. You too can be a phone monkey, you only need to know three simple phrases:

"Would you like to super-size that handle?"
"Need screws with that?"
"That's not my job." Then transfer the person to someone else.

Sounds glamorous you say? Exciting? You betcha! That's why our turnover rate is so high, so everyone can enjoy the fun of being chained to a phone. Call now, operators standing by to transfer you to someone who doesn't know how to spell their own name!
Sounds too good to be true - huh? But it isn't. Really. Unfortunately...

Look Mom - No Cavities!!!!

Well I went to the dentist and not a single cavity! I asked, "Are you sure? Really? I haven't been to the dentist in over a year, maybe two!"

"Nope, no cavities, everything looks good."

Whew! I'm so glad since I don't regularly floss... I have no idea how this can be since I LOVE, crave, and chow down on sweets? Very odd, but I'm not going to complain. In fact, I think I'll celebrate with a big ol' hot fudge sundae. mmmmmm mmm mm.

Paralegal

The Paralegal Open House thingy was great. I went into thinking, "nah, not now, got too much going on. Is this program really worthwhile. I'm so close to finishing up my BA, this is just gonna get in the way... blah blah blah." But, by the time it ended I was ready to sign up right then and there! For reasons too many to list here, I was very impressed with the program and what it all entails. I realize it will be a lot of hard work, but I'm used to that.

I've applied for a student loan through SallieMae, just waiting to hear back. I know that come January 17th (2006) and I've not only survived the program, but successfully completed it (gotta think positive!), I'll then have opportunities to open new doors that will provide more professional opportunities for me than what I am currently doing. And, come February I can either start back up with UOP and finish my 5 remaining courses or enroll full time at UT to just knock it out. I'll quit the P-Factory, overlap Paralegal Program with BA course load for only a week, two tops. So, I should still be able to complete my BA by May as originally intended.

Very exciting to have options... something other than, "Sir, which 6 shelves? That model only comes with 4. Yes, 4. Right, so you need more than one of which shelf? The top shelf, ... o.k. the middle, no not the middle,... fine. So, the bottom shelf then? Sir, there are only 4 shelves total. You said you needed 6." - that was a real call ladies and gentleman, honest to God. This call took over 45 minutes. 45 minutes of my life I'll never get back...

Being a paralegal is looking better and better each minute!

Nuttin' Much

I feel like I haven't posted in awhile and fear the Blog police will hunt me down. So, quick update. Work continues to suck, especially since P-Pod has left :-(

School's going well, I think. Haven't gotten my week 3 grade yet. Pray for me.

I've applied to UT, so I'm just waiting to hear if they'll take me or not.

I'm interested in a Paralegal Certificate program. Planning on attending the Open House to learn more about it. Sounds interesting and I'd love to know more about what the heck hubby's doing all day. I understand the emotional crap he has to deal with (clients with a lot of baggage, people just plain sue-happy and wanting to get even, etc. etc.), but I'm actually intrigued to know about all these "forms" "documents" and other special legal dodads. So, who knows... maybe I'll become a paralegal. I just don't think the legal world is ready for me.

Gotta get a house and build up equity. There seems to be a big storm brewing... gotta plan, gotta prepare, gotta be ready!

Uncle Boscoe

This is Uncle Boscoe, my parent's doggie (Karma's on the left). He lives in Wisconsin where it is very cold in the winter and very hot and humid in the summer. He's looks to be of "normal" weight in this picture, but he's not. Pool fella is VERY fat, just a big ol' sausage of a dog. My dad is very bad and feeds Uncle Boscoe people food and gives him way too many treats. When Uncle Boscoe was visiting us he got to run and play with Sass and Karma - good exercise. He needs a buddy at home to play with, but Mom says no. Poor, poor Uncle Boscoe, fat and friendless.

Doggie Dogs

Sassafras is the one on top and she's the alpha dog when other doggies, like Abby, are around - when it's just her and Karma they're equals. She's very sweet. Her favorite activities include: eating cat $&!#, sleeping, barking at the woods, and shoving her cold wet nose into my face every morning before the alarm has a chance to go off. This is my baby Karma (on the bottom), she's also very sweet. Her favorite activities also include: eating cat $&!#, sleeping, and barking at the woods. Dogs... what fun! I don't remember life before them. I can only imagine that the floors had WAY less fur and dirt on them.

The Unthinkable!

Well my darling husband has replaced my closet light and installed one that works! I can see. He did it all by himself. Hooray for my guy. Job well done. Yippie!

Closet Light

Well, if I show up at work wearing mis-matched clothes it's my closet's fault. The light in that tiny abyss takes F O R E V E R to come on... I'm sure the husband has noted in his blog somewhere that I'm rather impatient. It's true, I am. Very much so in fact.

I refuse to stand in the dark waiting for the light, so I flip the switch and walk away, go about doing something else, only to wander back near the closet later wondering why the heck the light is on... oh right, I turned it on because I needed or wanted something in there... but what? What could it be? Shoes? Shirt? Coat? Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat? I give up (remember, I'm impatient). Must not be important. Turn light off. Walk away. Remember what I need. Return to closet. Flip switch, refuse to stand in dark. Walk away. Wonder why light is on. It's a terrible, vicious cycle.

I'd use the oil lamp that was so very useful during the power outage, but fear that the cats and/or dogs will knock me down in the process and I'll set the place on fire. A flashlight could be the answer... but it's awkward holding it and trying to sort through clothes finding the pants that are too small, or the top that's in the dirty laundry, etc. So, instead I think I'll just move the floor lamp inside and use that. I'd ask the hubby to look at and assess possible solutions to this dilemma, however, read this and discover why that is not such a good idea. He may not be good with home projects, but damn my baby can write!

Cat Fight

Well, the kitty cats, Ginger and Jordan, are having a little spat in my office. Ginger's winning, but Jordan just doesn't know when to quit. She's rather fearless and very clueless about such things.

However, when Abby's around Jordan just hisses, while her ears are all slicked back and her eyes are as large as golf balls! It's funny because Abby is one of the sweetest dogs you could ever meet. Even Ginger seems to think so.

Critters... silly, silly critters. God love em'!

Friendship

Friends are great. We have two very wonderful friends (Pam and Andrew) and I feel very blessed to have them in my life. I enjoy their company, their dog Abby, and just generally being around them. They're not only a lot of fun, but we're able to relate to one another on deeper levels and discuss issues we feel are important, or just laugh. They're in California visiting friends and family and I miss them. I hope they're having a fantastic time.

Pam being away from work this week will be good practice for me, because her last day of work is quickly approaching! I've very excited for her as she pursues her dreams, but will miss her smiling face at work, her cute clothing choices, and her laugh as we exchange silly SameTimes across the cubicle wall. I know she'll be a fabulous teacher and wish the best of luck at school.

Too hot, too cold

At work the temperatures are terribly cold. In the car and at home the temperatures are stifling hot, hot, hot. The thick air so oppressive that sweat immediately forms on my skin the moment the shower is turned off. Make-up melts as I attempt to apply it, or rather smear it, on my face. But, all better now. The HVAC received a visit from Mr. Fix-It who magically gave the beast what it hungered for: Freon. Yeah for Freon.

House Hunting - kind of

The hubby and I are in active house hunting mode. We probably won't actually mortgage anything until April or so... but it's still exciting stuff. Can't wait to have a place and space of our own. Our very own private little paradise with doggie-dug holes and weeds galore. Then perhaps the "2-year" warnings and the "2008 is just around the corner" lectures will come to an end. Peace... sweet, blissful peace will hopefully be ours at long last.

O.k., I realize that owning a home comes not only with the big price tag of the mortgage but a slew of other issues that we'll need to contend with as well. I understand this and still welcome it. We're going to continue to make mistakes - that's what living and learning is all about. If we knew it all, we'd already have a place of our own.

Mean people suck

Jordan's at it again

The PEST, a.k.a. Jordan (our 8 month old cat), is always getting herself into and onto things. For instance she just knocked over the garbage can under my desk and crawled around in it. The other day she was climbing around my book case.

She seems to have no fears or worries of falling or of feeling pain. I wonder which life she is on? 4, 7, ???? I guess time will tell. I hope she sticks around for many years, hopefully by then she'll be better behaved.

Abby

This weekend we have had the pleasure of hanging out with Abby. She's very cute, fun, and has way more energy than any living creature ought to be allowed to have. She used to be submissive and flop down at the first sign of trouble. However, Abby has found her super-power: WATER! You get the dog wet and suddenly she turns into Super-Abby. She leaps tall bushes in a single bound, can run faster than a locomotive, and can lick sunscreen off your leg faster than you can slather it back on. Add a little water to Miss Abby and even Sass won't mess with her.

Yard Work

Well, they don't call "yard work" for nothing. I can barely move and while the yard does look a bit better.... there's still a long way to gooooooooooo.... it's never ending! I can't believe people actually enjoy this stuff. I like the finished product, only problem is it doesn't stay finished very long. The weeds come back, the grass grows, the dogs destroy that which we don't want desecrated and won't go near the parts of the yard we could care less about.

If we had a cute little California-sized yard it wouldn't be much of an issue. Unfortunately we have about 1.5 acres to maintain. It's a bit overwhelming for city folk like the hubby and me. Sure, the lush green trees, shrubs, plants, etc. are beautiful to look at, but preserving them in a natural, yet contained, state is time consuming and a Herculean like task. I really shouldn't complain so much, it's the poor hubby who does most of the work. He's the Mower Man, Trim Dude, and Wheel Barrow Buddy all in one!

Super-duper B-day!

It's my b-day today and even though I worked, it was still super-duper. While munching away on my favorite breakfast cereal. Lucky Charms, Erik gave me the first of many gifts - stamps and a stampin' carry-all case. He did good! It's like he knows me or something?!

Then, it was off to the P-factory where I found Sharon hanging balloons at my desk :-) Yippie, I like balloons, so cheery and happy. And, PPod had waiting for me a beautiful card with lovely birthday sentiments.

Then, work, work, work. Break - read Rubicon, way cool. Work, work, work (not nearly as cool as the book, but hey, it pays the bills and the benefits are good). Lunch out with Pam and Amy. Very fun. Work, work, work. Break - read more of Rubicon. Work, work, work.

5:00 o'clock whistle blows: Hubby picked me up and had the most beautiful and fragrant pink roses awaiting me. Then it was off to MacKay's - the best used book store in all of Knoxville. Purchased a couple books, then it was off to dinner at The Bistro. Mmm mmm yummy. From there we walked to Oddles Wine Bar and had a glass of vino. Then we finally headed home to the poor critters that were anxiously awaiting food and lovin'.

Turning 32 is rather grand... even if I haven't accomplished as much as I could have by this age, I'm working on it and will eventually. Besides, I have no desire to rush to life's finish line. I'd rather take my time and enjoy the wonderful journey.

Well, on to my next adventure - SLEEP, oh wonderful, joyous, super-duper sleep. Good night.

Day 120 at the P-factory

It hasn't been safe for me to write... the 2C-REPs are on constant surveillance, and in fact, several new 2C-REPs have been commissioned to "get results." I am still searching for the truth (and warmth of course!) and now I must determine what "results" the 2C-REPs are after.

I fear they may suspect me of interfering with policy:
692.759
Book 6
Series: Mandatory
Sub group: Unity
Second-sub group: Humane
Policy Title: Mandatory Unity Communal Harmonious Humane Atmosphere (MUCHHA)

A "kick-me" note was found near my cubby hole. First, I would not use tape to attach such an unimaginative post to a frosty, metallic robotic pest (that's what magnets are for!). Second, if I were going to disobey MUCHHA I would make it worthwhile. MUCHHA is strictly enforced and adhered to by all, even the 2C-REPs. To do something as sophomoric as the note would only delay me in my endeavor, which requires more time than I am able to safely dedicate to the cause. Therefore, I have enlisted the help of two trusty comrades. With their assistance I am certain I will be able to crack the code and discover what is truly taking place.

Bad Christian

There's this person, who I'll just call "Vex," that really, really likes to talk about things that I have no interest in. Things such as, Vex's personal life, medical/health issues, other-half issues, blah blah blah.

Well this morning Vex really wanted to share Vex's medical issues with me. I, as usual, was not interested and had already heard all about it before I even got to my desk. (Vex has a way of telling people things whether they want to hear them or not.) Vex was relating physical ailment problems to a co-worker as I arrived and thus I was completely aware of the whole story and did not want to listen to it again. I was rude and basically walked away.

I felt like such a bad Christian, until I realized that I'm not a Christian. However, that does not excuse my behavior and I know that as a good human I should have stayed and feigned interest. However, that didn't appeal to me and pretending seems almost as bad as what I did do... oh well. Maybe tomorrow I'll have the strength to be truly interested? On second thought probably not. Who has that kind of time?

Let them eat cake.... yummy, yummy chocolate cake

For my birthday my Mother-In-Law made the most beautiful and tasty chocolate cake ever! It's rich, it's creamy, it's so delicious... I finally broke down and let the hubby have some :-) He likes cake too. There were 3 gorgeous crystallized pink roses that embellished this lovely confectionery. We each had a piece with some vanilla ice-cream... mmmmmmm. That was our dinner - shhh, don't tell, our little secret.

2 feet tall

You know how some people can just say something or just look at you a certain way and you feel two feet tall? Or maybe it's because they don't look at you or don't speak to you that as a result you feel like hiding your head in the sand. A couple of people come to mind that induce these feelings in me. I dare not write their names for fear that I will endure sudden spontaneous combustion. I must find the antidote and quick!

Shopping!

Well, I bought a new pair of pants today that are able to slide over my ever enlarging rump and a couple of new shirts - all of which cost less than the hubby's new shirt. I'm so excited to be able to wear clothing that will still fit after I eat breakfast, lunch, and hopefully dinner too!

I've tried eating less sweet stuff, but the weight still hangs around like the scent of a week old dead skunk.

If my behind continues to expand in all directions I'll have to entertain the most dreadful of all possibilities: exercise! Oh great beard of Zeus! There must be some drug or surgery that will rid me of excess baggage. Just kidding... mostly.

PPod's Birthday

Yesterday was PPod's Birthday and to commemorate the birth of this beautiful young lady, Mr. Communicator and I wrote a little B-day ditty for the special occasion. It goes a little something like this:

Happy Birthday to Pam,
Happy Birthday to Pam,
You're NOT shaped like a ham,
You're way prettier than a can of SPAM,
Happy Birthday to Pam!

We love ya Pam!

Fire in the hole...

Dollywood... we went to Dollywood yesterday with PPod and Andrew. It was fun! PPod an Andrew are super fun friends and the perfect companions for such an adventure. We met at 10:00ish in the morn, shared some victuals at Perkins, then headed out to the Land of all that is Dolly. It was really swell. Only 2 lines were long and/or terribly hot. The weather was perfect, sunny and warm and the water rides helped us keep our cool. The food at Dolly's play place was reasonably priced. Drinks, frozen ice snacks, and ice-cream were a bit expensive... but hey we figured as much going in. It wasn't nearly as cheesy as I expected, so that was nifty. The eagle sanctuary was amazing... such incredibly beautiful birds. And, the spf 30 sunscreen worked! Woohoo no sun burn! All in all a truly wonderful day.

Communication

Interesting... my hubby can write a book essay, talk about his favorite fruits in detail, determine what kind of plane he is... but try to get the guy to communicate something as simple as, "Mom and Aunt Bert are coming over Sunday afternoon" is next to impossible! I realize it's difficult to get a hold of me considering we live in the same house, have the "board" in the kitchen to scribble notes on, our phones have an intercom system, we have cell phones (with text messaging), then of course there is e-mail, the blogs we each read and write, and we drive to and from work together everyday....


If nothing else, couldn't he tie a note to Karma's collar and have her deliver it? She's less likely to eat it than Sass, it's simply beneath Ginger to do such things, and Jordan's so easily distracted. Therefore I place all my hope in Karma, sweet little doggie that she is, to help us keep the lines of communication alive.


I don't know what else to do other than continue to play 2,393,859 questions each night, which gets tiring and really boring after about the 13th question. And let me tell you folks, being married to a lawyer makes communicating even more difficult because each question I ask MUST BE EXPLICIT! There can be no gray areas, no ambiguity as this creates "loopholes" which all attorneys live for. One loophole and I'm a goner. Getting an answer, much less the correct or honest one simply will not happen in my lifetime. Then I must ask another series of questions all directly related to the first set of interrogatories... It's #%$$^@ absurd, impractical, and unfeasible!

I'm still here... kind of

Unlike my prolific writing husband I can't seem to stay up late enough to write about how badly I'm doing in my Financial Accounting I class, or how stressed I am about it, how dull work is...

PeaPod (though I'm sure she spells it P-Pod) was on vacation this week. Hence the reason work was so dull. I missed you PeaPod!!!!

Jordan's a really cute kitty, but she's still a pain in the @$$! She likes to "help" me type and do my homework. Hey, maybe that's why I'm doing so poorly, it's all the cat's fault. Forget the lamo "my dog ate my homework" excuse.

My behind is getting bigger, and bigger, and bigger. I'm either going to have to buy new clothes or take drastic measures where my diet is concerned. Guess I'm going shopping!

They're at it again....

Day 109 at the Popsicle Factory

I've been working at the Popsicle Factory (P-factory) for 109 days. I began working at the P-factory March 1, 2005.


It's a terribly cold environment, washed in every shade of gray imaginable. The cubby holding pens are kept at a horripilant 37 degrees at all times, regardless of outside temperatures.


Last week, several rows down from my cubby, I heard what sounded like a cubicle shattering. The rumor mill stated that the occupant had accidentally dropped his stapler. Apparently he was immediately escorted away from the "incident" and taken to the sick bay by several Cold Control robotic Engineer Patrolers (2C-REPs). No one really "saw" anything, other than bright flashes of white light up and down the entire row where the sound originated. It is believed that the 2C-REPs erased all nearby occupants' memories. The fellow whose coop crashed has no memory of the event, only noted that pictures of his family and other personal effects were "missing." He also mentioned that his hand tingled, though he didn't know why.


During my two strictly regulated 15 minute breaks I search for the truth. Today I was only able to learn that in the P-factory's 23 year history only 3 cubicles have thought to have splintered and imploded. The first took place in the early spring of 1984. Very few actually "remember" or know of this. I paid a handsome price for these details, almost 47% of my weekly wages. My source is the 2C-REPs maintenance person (MP), who shall remain nameless. MP's employment began in the fall of 1985. While reprogramming the original 2C-REPs MP found a file containing information of the event.


Of course MP has enough dirt on me that blackmail would be a welcome gift compared to what could, and most likely, would be inflicted upon me. I must go, I hear a 2C-REP.

Crazy Critters

I arrived home very late tonight. Trying to keep quite so I don't wake the hubby who must get up very, very early so he can drive to the land of crazy peach people.

Anyway, the dogs were barking when I got home so I tossed em' outside. Then, the kitties got into a little cat spat. I broke that up with a few squirts of water. Now Jordan is walking all over me, the keyboard, in front of the screen... she's driving me crazy. She's really cute, but she's still driving me crazy.

Well, the reason for getting home at such an absurd hour is soft ball. I'm on the work soft ball team. I'm supposed to be the back-up to the back-ups... but alas I was put in the game. Fortunately only 2 hits came my way. Of course I totally suck (hence the reason I'm a back-up to the back-up) but fortunately Mr. Tall was there to save the day. He's good. Really good. So is Pam, a.k.a. P-Pod, and her bearded "buddy", and Jason too! Actually everybody played really well. It was a good game. We won 16 to 13.

I suppose I should let the knuckle heads in and hit the sack. I'm starting to feel sleepy... of course I'll be really sleep tomorrow at the office when I need to be alert. Ugh... the darn job keeps interfering with my goals: sleep, eating, napping, snacking... the really important things in life. Well, it's almost the weekend, then I'll be able to devote much time and effort to my goals.

Woebegone Toes

I realized to my horror today that I a need a pedicure. So, I removed the old, lackluster polish and began the great hot soak. Of course for the first 15 - 20 minutes I couldn't even put my toosties near the H2O for fear of scalding all skin right off the bone - which would then make a pedicure completely useless. I sat about, waiting for the water to cool, catching up on my friends' blogs. Then I became so engrossed in Andrew's blog that what I once considered to be my feet had mutated into giant prunes. Perhaps a 103+ year old can pull that look off, but alas, I can not. Now I wait and pray that my souls return to their former shape.

Goodness me, what color should my toe nails be? Red, pink, purple or blue? Oh wait, work will turn them blue for me. Gosh darn it's cold in my cubby hole. Apparently my employer feels that the colder it is inside the faster we parts-pushin' people will work. Whatever...

So, back to the color dilemma???? Oh what to do...

Hey, if opposites attract, then what would happen if a pessimist (who always sees the glass as half empty) and an optimist (who always sees the glass as half full) hooked up, would they cancel each other?

Just Rambling

It's hot outside today, so I stayed indoors most of the day. Downloaded over 20 hours of music to my hard drive. Now I've lots of groovy tunes to listen to while I blog, e-mail, goof off, do school work... oh golly, speaking of which I should do some homework! Hmmm, wonder if I have any new wrinkles on the brain from all this reading and studying?

A New Day

This blogging stuff is interesting (now that I think I know what I'm doing... I hope). It's scary to think someone may stumble upon this, read it and think, "What a #!@(%) idiot!" - but hey, it's none of my business what others think of me, so I can't let that worry me.

I'm currently enrolled in Financial Accounting and it's very interesting (heck, I think that about every class I take!), but anyway, I can't seem to warp my brain around a few concepts. Hopefully soon they'll start to make sense and I'll have a better grasp of the basic principles that are the foundation for what I'm supposed to be learning.

Work is work... I muddle through each day wondering if I could do more, if I should do more, if maybe I am meant to be more than just a goon sitting in a cube answering calls and entering parts orders. I work for a great company with many wonderful opportunities... I just haven't figured out how to take advantage of these great options. I worry that perhaps I am getting too big for my own britches, that maybe I should just be content to have a job with super benefits... maybe I just think too much. Sleep, sleep is good. I should go to sleep and worry about it another time, like when I'm Queen of the universe and have nothing but time on my hands... then of course if I were Queen I highly doubt I'd still be sitting in a cube, thus my worries would quickly come to an end and I'd have new concerns to dwell upon, like gosh, didn't I ever learn proper grammar? Why do I write HUGE, ultra-long run-on sentences? Hmm, this needs pondering. Mrs. Mack, where are you now when I really need you? Meanest teacher I ever had, Mrs. Mack. But by golly I've not yet forgotten about you. Goodness what would you say about all of this? "To the back of the line!" that's what you'd say, "And don't come back until you've written something worth reading."

Good advice. Good night.

A New Adventure

Well here I am embarking on a new adventure. The idea of "blogging" is exciting and terrifying. Do I dare expose myself, my ideas, thoughts, dreams, fears in so public a domain or keep them hidden away as I normally do. Clearly, since I'm writing this I've shed a few fears. My hope is that blogging will help me grow in new ways, forge new paths, and learn more about not only myself, but those that may comment and share themselves with me.

I blame Pam for this (ha ha). She's a great friend and co-worker. She introduced me to blogger.com. Since Pam was so willing to share her blog with me I figured I too could do the same.

Being new to the world of blogging I worry that I'll somehow do this all wrong. Not sure if that's possible or not... anyway, I enjoyed reading Pam's blog and discovering more about her so I too wanted to be offer the same in return. I'm just thankful this site has a spell checker!